LAN ASTASLEM : I WILL NOT SUBMIT
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Last updated III / XIX / MMXVI C.E.
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Why are you here?
No, really, I mean it. Do you hope to learn something about me? For crying out loud, why? Well if you insist...
My name is Jeffrey Duly and I'm an alcoholic. (Hi, Jeff!) I am 51 years old, single and living in Nashville, Tennessee, where I am one of only 542 citizens who are not aspiring songwriters. Yes, still single. I guess I just haven't found that special woman that I can sedate, transport to a Las Vegas wedding chapel and marry before she comes to. Oh, I was just kidding about the alcoholic bit.
|The picture at the left is of me in 1968 wearing my little baseball jacket and Phillies cap. I sure was cute back then, eh? That changed when I got older. I don't know why. The picture at the right is me in 2017. Still wearing a Phillies cap but a different one. My head is considerably larger now. I also grew a neck.|
Stuff I Like
"My hobbies are fast cars and fast women. That's why the guys in my car club call me The Cruiser." But seriously folks...
Me Man. (Insert Grunt Here) Me like sports. Me like these teams.
Music I like (in no particular order) : Rock (hard, soft, classic, oldies), country, bluegrass, classical, rap, r&b, ska, blues, jazz (Dixieland, bop, fusion, contemporary), zydeco, big band (swing and sweet), world (Cuban, African, Brazilian, West Indian soca, Celtic rock, well just about everywhere), The Beatles, Al Jarreau, Chicago, Steely Dan, The Manhattan Transfer, Billy Joel, Glenn Miller, Earth,Wind & Fire, Pretenders, The Doobie Brothers, Djavan, Paul Simon, Gloria Estefan, James Taylor, Stevie Wonder, Mary-Chapin Carpenter, Fleetwood Mac, Yes, Shenandoah, Elvis Costello, Ladysmith Black Mombazo, Benny Goodman, The Bangles, The Presidents of the United States of America, Ray Charles, Patsy Cline, The Mamas & The Papas, Huey Lewis & The News, Pizzicato Five, Van Morrison, The Eagles, Asleep At The Wheel, The Carpenters, Squirrel Nut Zippers, The Go-Go's, Garth Brooks, Ben Folds, Suzanne Vega, Johnny Mathis, Boston, Swing Out Sister, Squeeze, Joe Jackson, Barenaked Ladies, Kirsty MacColl, Raymond Scott, Imelda May and many, many more.
Other things I like : Comedies (British, American, Canadian, Peruvian, etc.), the novels of John Irving, Ben Elton, Stephen Fry and Nick Hornby, historic places (battlefields, museums, monuments, etc.), challenging people to tell me "Who is this?" whenever old songs come on the radio, collecting old-style metal advertising signs, attending soccer matches when on vacation, drinking milk, exposing myself to unsuspecting nuns, floating candles down the Cumberland River for peace, strangling animals, golf and masturbating.
Turn ons : Cuddling, long walks on the beach, a warm fire on a cold night.
Turn offs : Rain, people who are rude, herpes.
Awards Received : High school senior class voted "Least Likely To"; People Magazine's "Loneliest Man Alive" - 1994-1995, 1997-2000, 2004-2005 (lost out to the Unabomber in 1996, Osama bin Laden in 2001 & 2002, Saddam Hussein in 2003, award retired in 2006); Eighth Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.
Songs I Hate (in no particular order): "Wildfire" by Michael Murphey, "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro, "Wind Beneath My Wings" by Bette Midler (or Lou Rawls), "The Greatest Love Of All" by Whitney Houston (or George Benson), "One Tin Soldier" by Coven, "Cats In The Cradle" by Harry Chapin, "(You're) Having My Baby" by Paul Anka, "Escape (The Piña Colada Song)" by Rupert Holmes, "Macarena" by Los Del Rio, "Afternoon Delight" by Starland Vocal Band, "Endless Love" by Lionel Richie and Diana Ross, "You Light Up My Life" by Debbie Boone, "Muskrat Love", by The Captain and Tennille (or America), "Torn Between Two Lovers" by Mary MacGregor, "I've Never Been To Me" by Charlene, "Get Up And Boogie" by Silver Connection, "Shaddap You Face" by Joe Dolce, "Run Joey Run" by David Geddes, The University of Florida Fight Song.
My Favorite Things : Beverage - milk; Bird - duck; Shakespeare comedy - Taming of the Shrew; Number - 2; Beach Boys song - "God Only Knows"; Ice cream - Breyers; Interstate highway - I-81; Percussion instrument - cowbell; Defunct professional soccer club - Fort Lauderdale Strikers; Psychiatrist - Dr. Katz; Speed - 78 m.p.h.; Commandment - You shall not commit adultery; Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass album cover - Whipped Cream & Other Delights; Precipitation - snow; Beatle - George Harrison; Pasta sauce - marinara; U.S. Virgin Island - St. John; Broadway musical - The Music Man; Cider - Strongbow; Political columnist - George Will; Artist - Edward Hopper; Cover of a Beatles song - "Got To Get You Into My Life" by Earth, Wind & Fire; Scottish soccer club - Heart of Midlothian; English soccer club - Brentford; Smithsonian museum - National Museum of American History; movie bad guy - Alan Rickman as Hans Gruber in Die Hard; Walt Disney World attraction - Haunted Mansion; French film - Le Fabuleux destin d'Amélie Poulain.
Other Places You Might Like To Go (Go on, visit them. See if I care!)
All of the following sites have undergone rigorous testing and have received the official Jeffrey Duly Seal of Approval. (Ooohh. Aahhh.)
Neal Boortz - A terrific libertarian talk show host (former) out of Atlanta. He's the high priest of the Church of the Painful Truth.
Instapundit - A libertarian-leaning blog by University of Tennessee law professor Glenn Reynolds.
Daryl Cagle's Professional Cartoonists Index - Get your fill of a plethora, a potpourri, a veritable cornucopia of political cartoons.
American Soccer History Archives - Far and away the best site archiving the long and sordid history of soccer in the U.S. Enough said.
South Park Studios - If you are not watching this gem, you don't know what you are missing. Brilliant biting social commentary cleverly wrapped in cut-and-paste animation and nasty language. As Eric Cartman would say, "Kick ass!"
Doctor Who News - Hartnell, Troughton, Pertwee, Baker, Davison, Baker, McCoy, McGann, Eccleston, Tennant, Smith and Capaldi.
Chris Creamer Sports Logos Page - A fellow called Chris Creamer has compiled a large archive of (mostly) North American sports logos. That's a lot of work. Give it a look.
BBC Online - Great radio. Great television. Not bad for a government-owned enterprise (despite the biased news coverage).
Back To The Future...The Website - Marty. Doc. Lorraine. George. Biff. Lorraine. Mayor Goldie Wilson. Marvin Berry. Lorraine. (Okay, so I like Lea Thompson) Enter if you dare, future boy!
Widen Your World - Dedicated to the good ol' days of Walt Disney's "Vacation Kingdom of the World".
The Great American Pin-Up - I may not know art, but I know what I like.
Please feel free to e-mail me if you must.
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